come on. post something.

I've been wrestling with the idea of a new post, but I couldn't think of anything worthy to write.  Should I write about how the media is enforcing heinous gender stereotypes?  How about proper internet etiquette, because it seems like that's been slipping? (Oh yeah.  People are dicks.  It's always been like that.)  Maybe someone will pay attention if I post about my uneducated view on an important social issue.  I've got it!  Maybe I'll

       uh

well, fuck. 

 I have no clue.  But I want to post something. So what'll it be there, slick?  Open up that brain of yours and spew some shit out.

So I look to the amazing internet for guidance.  

Think for me, internet.  Because I apparently can't.  

I wasn't too impressed with the help I got.  The writing prompts I came across were reminiscent of MySpace surveys.  No, thank you.

and then I thought about it.

spew some shit out.

It doesn't need to make sense.  Because fuck you, that's why.  And that is what mind vomit is.

coffee vs. awful beer

I am awake.

I clutch on to my coffee for the warmth, security, and comfort.  I don't hold my grip too strongly, in fear of spilling the scalding beverage all over my hands, and destroying the precious drink.  The coffee is inviting and soothing, and I welcome its intense embrace as it passes my lips, and invigorates my entire being.  I can always depend on coffee to pick me up and get me going.  It has that astounding ability to melt away my fatigue in an instant, just like magic.  Coffee has that perfect balance between sweet and bitter.  When I wake up to coffee, my day is bright, and I smile because I got my fix.  It seems to know me perfectly, and goes so well with me. 

I am addicted, and I don't want to stop.

Sometimes I get drowsy, though.  It's like someone switched my darling coffee out for a vile mug of Old Milwaukee, flavored with Tylenol PM, Unisom, Ambien, and shame.  I accidentally take a swig, and no matter how hard I try to spit it out, the repugnant taste holds my mouth hostage, and I feel weary and weak.  I violently try to purge out the poison, but all I end up doing is getting myself upset, sick and missing my coffee.

I swear, I had a point to this.  I'll remember it some time.  

creativity crisis.

While I'm doing this whole reconstruction of myself, I'm trying to think of things I'm good at, and I really can't think of anything worthwhile. 

People tell me I'm creative, but I never figured out how they would come to that conclusion.  I used to believe that I was a creative person.  Then I got to thinking- Did I lose my creativity, or did I even have it in the first place?  I was never amazing in art class.  I can't draw or paint.  My clothes are plain.  I don't have an ounce of musical talent.  I'm not even super witty.

I also put humor in the creativity category, because well, why not?  I really try to associate myself with funny people so that way I have more opportunities to laugh.  I was recently told that I'm not funny.  I took it a bit personally, probably because he said what I was thinking.  (My self-esteem isn't high yet.  Don't judge me.)  All my life, people have been telling me I'm funny.  Once I hear otherwise, my brain goes to panic mode.  How long have I been unfunny for?  Do other people think this, but are too nice to tell me?  WHY AM I SO AWKWARD?!?!?!?!
Shut the fuck up, Katie.

I have such a high value on the characteristic of creativity, and I'm quite envious of those who exude this quality. 

It's like in American Beauty, where Mena Suvari's character fears being ordinary.  Kevin Spacey's character validates her because he wants to get in her pants, obviously.  We all know that she had no personality, and was just a shallow, vapid whore. 
I don't want to be like that.

I fear being ordinary/boring.  I'm afraid of having no talent for something amazing.  Yeah, I wanna be like a goddamned special little snowflake.  Maybe I can just trick myself into thinking I'm all artsy and cool, when I'm really not.  Just like a hipster, of course. 

"The goal isn't to live forever- It's to create something that will."  I don't know who the fuck coined that phrase, and I'm too lazy to go through all the effort to open up a new tab in my browser to find out.  Don't you fucking judge me.