While I'm doing this whole reconstruction of myself, I'm trying to think of things I'm good at, and I really can't think of anything worthwhile.
People tell me I'm creative, but I never figured out how they would come to that conclusion. I used to believe that I was a creative person. Then I got to thinking- Did I lose my creativity, or did I even have it in the first place? I was never amazing in art class. I can't draw or paint. My clothes are plain. I don't have an ounce of musical talent. I'm not even super witty.
I also put humor in the creativity category, because well, why not? I really try to associate myself with funny people so that way I have more opportunities to laugh. I was recently told that I'm not funny. I took it a bit personally, probably because he said what I was thinking. (My self-esteem isn't high yet. Don't judge me.) All my life, people have been telling me I'm funny. Once I hear otherwise, my brain goes to panic mode. How long have I been unfunny for? Do other people think this, but are too nice to tell me? WHY AM I SO AWKWARD?!?!?!?!
Shut the fuck up, Katie.
I have such a high value on the characteristic of creativity, and I'm quite envious of those who exude this quality.
It's like in American Beauty, where Mena Suvari's character fears being ordinary. Kevin Spacey's character validates her because he wants to get in her pants, obviously. We all know that she had no personality, and was just a shallow, vapid whore.
I don't want to be like that.
I fear being ordinary/boring. I'm afraid of having no talent for something amazing. Yeah, I wanna be like a goddamned special little snowflake. Maybe I can just trick myself into thinking I'm all artsy and cool, when I'm really not. Just like a hipster, of course.
"The goal isn't to live forever- It's to create something that will." I don't know who the fuck coined that phrase, and I'm too lazy to go through all the effort to open up a new tab in my browser to find out. Don't you fucking judge me.
This post alone exudes enormous amounts of creativity in the writing category. At the risk of sounding like a complete weirdo, I've only read two of your posts and I'm already completely in love with your blog. Amazing material here!
ReplyDeletebeeing creative
ReplyDeletebut watch the word beeing
surrender
let not your mind be creative but your hands
if you think of beeing creative it doesnt work
as your mind will trick you , lack of selfconfidence , critical etc etc
creative starts with surrendering for me . with letting drop my ideas of whats ugly or beautiful
to me creativeness starts with letting my hands free , and to permit i may make ugly shit
greetings from holland